


Trust and Control

by Deanangst



Category: Actor RPF, Kane (Band)
Genre: Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-30
Updated: 2013-07-30
Packaged: 2017-12-21 20:20:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/904476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deanangst/pseuds/Deanangst
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Christian's worst fears are met when Steve finds out he has a eating disorder</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trust and Control

Fic:Trust and Control

 

Written for Ccacolakid whose prompt was: Christian's worst fears are met when Steve finds out he has a eating disorder...Will Steve stay? Leave? Help? Stay tuned to find out. Angsty please!!! Pairings Steve/Chris. Duh!

Warnings: Deals with eating disorders if this is something that could trigger you please do not read. I have never had firsthand experience with this issue but I’ve tried to handle the subject matter as best I can.

This could become the opening to another story that I've been working on.

Rated: PG13

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is fake, no harm intended. Medical BS .

Time Line… End of Season 2 Leverage

Title: Trust and Control

Steve’s POV

This was the first time Steve had been able to come up to Portland in the last couple of months. He an Chris were planning on spending the next few months in Nashville, polishing up a few songs, spending time in the studio while they got to know the people at the new record label.

 

Steve stood behind Dean’s chair and watched the monitor as the scene played out before them. The fight scenes were beautifully choreographed, clearly practiced to perfection. Something that he knew was all Christian. It was the same with everything Chris did. From music, to acting, to love, whatever the goal when Christian set his mind on something nothing would stand in his way until he was satisfied.

 

All the other actors had been released for the season. As soon as the Dean was sure he had the shots he needed Chris would be released and other than some looping for sound quality Chris’ only remaining duty was to the wrap party.

 

“That’s a wrap!” Dean yelled as the last scene played out. Standing from his chair Dean dropped the headphone set he wore onto the seat and moved forward to slap Christian on his back and praise the job he’d done. Steve held back until the crowd cleared and Christian started walking off set. Clearly still so in the moment that he hadn’t noticed Steve’s presence.  
Steve jogged to catch up, throwing his arm around Christian’s shoulder he pulled the man against his side.

“Steve! Hey…when did you get here?”

 

“About an hour ago, you were so into it I didn’t want to distract you between takes.”

 

“Well I’m betting it’s gonna be another hour or so before I can get out of here. Let’s stop by Craft services and get you fed. There’s not much at the apartment.” Chris offered.

 

Steve’s stomach growled in answer. “Sounds good to me.”

 

***

 

Steve watched as Chris pushed his food around on his plate. They had been sitting there nearly thirty minutes and Chris had taken maybe four bites. “What’s the matter, something wrong with your chicken?” Steve asked, motioning with his fork at Christian’s plate.

 

“Hum?.” Chris looked up from his food. “Nah man, just tired..and this fake blood is bugging me.” Chris went to rub the sticky mess below his nose but stopped himself at the last second. He’d rather not have to go back to makeup if they had to do any more filming.

 

Steve nodded, he’d been distracted by the fake blood himself. He hated to see Chris hurt even if it wasn’t real. It brought out a protective instinct in him that seemed to be reserved only for Christian. Taking another bite of his own meal Steve watched as Chris took a bite of his grilled chicken. It was as if the act of chewing was making Chris sick. Knowing the Chris always got a little weird about food when he was overly tired Steve figured he needed to get the other man home to rest before the party.

 

“Hey, why don’t you check to see if you are cleared to leave, I know I’m beat, maybe we can just relax at the apartment until the wrap party.” Steve suggested.

 

Chris gave Steve a relieved smile. “Thanks man..I’ll go find Dean. Give me a few minutes.”  
Steve watched as Chris swayed slightly when he stood up. The other man blinked a few times as if fighting off dizziness before grabbing his tray and dumping his uneaten meal into the trash, tossing his plate and silverware into the bus tub, and heading out of the tent.

 

***

 

Chris’ POV

 

Christian’s stomach rolled as he crossed the parking lot. Bypassing the sound trailer he entered his own and locked the door behind him. Dropping to his knees in front of the toilet Christian took a deep breath before using his finger to trigger his gag reflex. It didn’t take long to empty the meager contents of his stomach into the toilet. His vision darkened on the edges and he felt himself tilting sideways. Reaching out blindly with his left hand he braced himself against the wall and waited until his vision cleared.

 

When he was finally able to stand Christian reached for his travel kit. Digging thru the contents he pulled out the blue bottle, once open he took a drink relying on the milky liquid to settle the churning acid in his stomach. Looking at his reflection in the mirror Chris winced, how was he going to keep his secret from Steve. It was hard enough fooling Tim, Gina, Beth, and Aldis, and they were not with him 24/7 like Steve would be.

 

He really wanted to wash his face but couldn’t until he knew he wouldn’t be required to re-film a scene. Knowing it was the best he could do Chris brushed his teeth and used a dry cloth to blot the sweat from his face. Squaring his shoulders Chris stared into his own eyes. “Get your shit together Kane, you’re gonna lose everything good you have in your life if you don’t.” The only problem was the fact that he HAD been trying.

 

All he had wanted was to lose the extra weight he’s put on for the MMA episode. It started simple.. watching the calories he took in each day, cutting soda’s, and excess fat. It was amazing how quickly he’d learned to ignore his grumbling stomach when it complained that he needed more that the 1500 calories he was allowing himself each day. He knew he was getting more than enough exercise between his normal work day and the three times a week that he had time for the gym. The weight had simply refused to drop fast enough..Well that was until he’d gotten a virus that had him sick and unable to hold anything down for 24 hours. The next day he’d seen the amount of weight he’d lost and it was as if a light bulb went off in his head.

 

It was so easy… so very easy, the weight had come off and he’s thought maybe a few more pounds would be good.. get back to what he weighed when he first came out to LA. The problem was, now he couldn’t stop. His body was rebelling against him, the smells and taste of even the blandest item made his stomach roll. What food he managed to actually swallow sat like a lead weight in his stomach until he could no longer take the discomfort and purged it from his body.

 

Chris knew he needed to get help, he was just too scared to ask for it. If the network found out he knew there would be repercussions. The best he could hope for was enforced therapy, the worst was no longer being seen as fit enough to do his own stunts. He couldn’t lose that, its what makes him love his job so much. Then there was the music to think about, Kane had just signed on with the new label… drama like this could get them booted before they had a chance to prove themselves. What would Steve think of him when…if he found out. Would this be the thing that drove them apart.. his complete lack of ability to control his own stupid body???

 

***

 

“Wow, you warned me that wrap parties could get a little wild but man that was awesome. Still I was afraid we were never gonna make it out of there.” Steve called out as he stripped out of his clothes and folded the blankets back on the bed.

 

“If the booze had held out we would still be there.” Christian called back, trying to keep his voice calm as he franticly dug thru the medicine cabinet.

 

Steve climbed into bed, tossing the second pillow onto the floor and getting comfortable in the middle of the bed. He’d been looking forward to this, having Chris in his arms while he slept, since the moment he knew he was coming into town. “What’s takin’ you so long man, did you fall in?” Steve teased.

 

“Funny Carlson.” Chris yelled back as he spotted the small bottle of Ipecac syrup. He hadn’t been able to avoid eating at the party. He’d tried to slip away to the bathroom several times during the night, the one time he’d been successful he’d been unable to purge. Now he was in pain from the food and whiskey. Pressing in on his stomach with his right hand he reached out with his left for the bottle. He’s used the syrup a few times in the past, Chris hated the violent retching it caused but it was the only thing he knew to do.

 

Taking a drink of the liquid Chris pitched the now empty bottle into the trash. Stripping he climbed into the shower, it would take less than thirty minutes for the ipecac to do its job. He’d hide out in the bathroom until it was safe to be around Steve.

 

***

 

Steve sighed when he heard the shower come on in the bathroom. He really just wanted to hold Christian right now but he’d seen the bruises that fight scenes had left on Chris in the past. He could only imagine how stiff and sore Chris got after a day of that much physical work. Flipping the bedside lamp to dim Steve settled in to wait.

 

***

 

Chris eased the bathroom door open, glancing into the room he was relieved to see that Steve was already asleep. His head was swimming, instead of feeling better once he was sick Christian was feeling worse. Crawling into bed he snuggled up to Steve and rested his head on Steve’s shoulder as he tried to breathe through the ongoing waves of pain in his stomach.

 

Chris drifted in and out of sleep for a few hours but the pain never went away. When he couldn’t take it anymore he carefully untangled himself from Steve. Instantly missing the warmth where Steve had held him close with his hand on the small of Chris’ back.

 

Chris stumbled into the kitchenette and flipped on the light. Taking a glass tumbler from the dish rack Chris filled it with water from the pitcher in the fridge. The water was cold and soothed his throat there the medicine and whiskey had burned when it came back up. Chris was reaching out to place the dirty glass in the sink when he blacked out.

 

***

 

Steve bolted upright in the bed when he heard the sound of shattering glass. “Chris!” he called out as he climbed out of bed. The bathroom door was open and the lights were out so Steve headed down the hallway. He heard something bump in the kitchen and when he turned the corner his heart froze.

 

Chris was on the tile floor, he was in the middle of what appeared to be a seizure. Steve rushed forwad and dropped to his knees. Placing his hand under Chris’ head Steve tried to prevent him from hurting himself as his body jerked. It seemed like hours before Chris stilled. Steve didn’t want to let go of Chris but he knew he needed to call for help. It only took a minute to grab the cordless phone from the counter and dial 911, unlocking the apartment door Steve rushed back to Chris.

 

“Babe, wake up.. you’re scaring me.” Steve said as he gently tapped Chris’ cheek. Tears threatened to fall when he got no response. Steve didn’t hear the EMT’s arrive but soon they were asking questions as they pulled him away from Chris.

 

‘No Chris had never had an episode before. No he wasn’t on any medications, Yes there was the chance that he had received a blow to the head.’ Could that be what this was.. could Chris have gotten hurt on set? It really hadn’t been that long ago that he had received the blow to the head that resulted in bruised bone and 17 stitches. His mind was spinning with possibilities but all that stopped when one of the EMT'S cut open Chris’ t-shirt to attached the portable heart moniter. All Steve could focus on were Chris’s ribs and the sunken in curve of his stomach. Chris was thin… too thin. He knew then that Chris was hiding something from him.

 

***

 

Dr. Mitchell leaned against the hospital bed and split his attention between the man in the bed and the chart in his hand. “Well, I’ve reviewed the results of the CAT scan and MRI that we ran when you were admitted. I’m not seeing anything that would have caused this, have you been having dizzy spells or headaches?”

 

“I have headaches some since I had an accident on the set a couple of months ago, but nothing bad enough to make me pass out… and I didn’t have a headache last night.” Chris answered the doctor before glancing at Steve noting the disapproving look on his lovers face.

 

“Well you didn’t exactly pass out last night son, you had a seizure, there is a big difference. The doctor motioned to the VI that was currently delivering needed fluids into Christian’s body. “The blood work up shows an extreme drop in your electrolyte levels. The nutritionist noted that you didn’t eat the morning meal, and I can see by your tray that you haven’t managed much lunch. Have you been having trouble with nausea?”

 

“Yeah, some.” Chris admitted shifting in the bed and again shooting a look to Steve, sure now that the truth was about to come out.

 

“I found an empty bottle of Ipecac in the bathroom trash when I went home to shower.” Steve stated, voice flat.

 

Dr Mitchell looked from Steve back to Christian. “Ipecac isn’t something to play with…”

 

“I know that.” Christian snapped, taking a deep breath he continued. “My stomach was really killing me, I ate something at the party that didn’t sit well I guess. I thought maybe if I could just get it out I’d feel better.” Chris couldn’t bring himself to look at Steve this time, afraid of the look he’s see on Steve’s face.

 

“Have you used it a lot recently?” The Doctor asked.

 

“Once maybe twice in the last few months.” Chris admitted.

 

“Well that could explain the throat irritation…you’re using it to make yourself sick to relieve stomach pain…?” The Doctor mumbled to himself flipping back a few paged of the chart. “This could all be related to the head trauma you received a few months ago. Your concussion was severe, headaches and nausea are symptoms that can last for long periods of time. I am worried that you are still experiencing nausea this bad.” The doctor tapped his pen against the chart for a moment. “We’ve got to get your system back in line…. I’m gonna prescribe an antiemetic, Metoclopramide, to help fight the nausea. I think an acid suppressant is warranted as well so I’m going to include Omeprazole. These will help lower your discomfort levels when you eat but you are still going to have to deal with discomfort until your body gets back on track.”

 

“So, when can I leave?” Chris asked.

 

“I want to get another bag of fluids into you and to be sure you don’t have another attack. I’m going to order a dose of the Metoclopramide now. We’ll see how you do with dinner and if all goes well I’ll release you in the morning. For now just get some rest.”

 

The door to his room had barely closed before Steve confronted Chris. “You lied to the Doctor… I want the truth Chris.”

 

“I didn’t lie..” Chris started.

 

“Don’t.” Steve’s eyes were hard as steel when he locked his gaze on Chris. “We’ve known each other a long time Chris. We’ve been together for years, I know when you are hiding something.”

 

“I’ve been sick..”

 

“Yeah, I can tell..You’ve lost a lot of weight, too much if you ask me. But it’s not because of a concussion.”

 

Steve watched as several emotions danced across Chris’ face, along with the emotions Chris’s body language changed as well. Finnally Chris’s shoulders dropped and when he spoke Steve knew he would be getting the truth. I was trying to lose weight.”

 

“What?!”

 

“I was trying to lose the weight I’d gained for the wrestling episode. I tried everything but thw weight wasn’t dropping fast enough. So I though.. it was only gonna be a few times but was working and I though a few more pounds wouldn’t hurt.”

 

“But you’re still doing it! You’re to thin Chris. When the EMT’s were working on you I could see your ribs. Why are you still doing it.?? What are you trying to do kill yourself??” Steve yelled.

 

“No! Shit no, you know me better than that Steve.” Chris denied.

 

“Then why haven’t you stopped… I know you if you wanted to stop you would have by now.” Steve accused not believing.

 

“I’ve tried!” Chris yelled back, eyes going wide as he realized what he had said, but now his failure was out there so he continued to speak. “I’ve tried Steve really I have. It’s just, I can’t seem to get my body to cooperate.” Chris’ eyes were wide.. pleading with Steve to believe that he was indeed trying.

 

“You could have asked for help.”

 

“No I couldn’t… If the network found out about this they could restrict my involvement on the show. Steve if they stopped me from doing my own stunts the show would lose meaning for me and you know it. Then there is the new recording deal, what do you think they would do if they thought I was a risk. The band is relying on me to make this happen. I couldn’t risk messing this up.”

 

“What about me?” Steve asked.

 

“I was thinking about you too. Your association with me could have hurt your Solo career as well.”

 

“No Chris, Why didn’t you come to me for help? We have seen each other through a lot of shit over the years. I’m your boyfriend, we are as close to married as we can get at this point and yet you didn’t come to me for help. Why?”

 

“I didn’t want you to see me as a failure. I should be able to control this Steve. I shouldn’t have to ask for help eating. It’s stupid but I know if you just give me time I’ll get it together I promise I will. I’m still good to go to Nashville, we’ll get the record started and I’ll get everything straightened out. I don’t want you to worry, I can fix this. ”

 

The anger drained out of Steve as he listened to Chris’ plea. Crossing the room Steve sat down on the bed and reached out to take Chris’ hand in his own. “Chris I could never see you as a failure. I don’t care about the record if it means you deny yourself the help you need. However, I do know what Leverage and the music means to you, but you can't put them above your health . I love you with everything I have. I do believe you’ve tried but babe it’s clear you need support. I’m here to help you...I WANT to help you, and telling me not to worry is stupid. You are my world Chris, I worry about you every day. I love you. If you don’t want to get medical help, which by the way I'm not sure I agree with you on, do you at least trust me enough to let me help you?”

 

Chris had been expecting Steve to walk out, not offer to help. He didn’t feel like he deserved Steve’s love but he was going to hold onto it with both fists as long as Steve offered it. “Yeah, I trust you Steve.”

 

“Then we’ll fight this together.” Steve pulled Chris up into a hug his arms wrapping around Christian. Steve squeezed his eyes closed, Chris felt so small in his arms. Steve wasn’t sure what he had just signed himself up for. He wasn’t stupid enough to believe this would be an easy process, that there wouldn’t be problems and setbacks. But he did believe that they could do anything as long as they had trust and so he clung to that belief as tightly as he clung to Chris.

 

Fini… for now


End file.
